Becoming Free of Our Substitute Life
by Ezra Bayda
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 A Zen student walked in to see the master. Sitting down, he blurted out, "There’s something terribly wrong with me!" The master looked at him and asked, "What’s so wrong?" The student, after a moment’s hesitation, responded, "I think I’m a dog." To that the master responded, "And how long have you thought that?" The student replied, "Ever since I was a puppy."
What does this story have to do with spiritual practice? Everything. It puts the basic human problem in a nutshell. Next time you find yourself immersed in the drama of a strong emotional reaction, awash with deeply believed thoughts, ask yourself how long you’ve taken these thoughts to be the truth. Especially notice the ones you believe the most: "Life is too hard," "No one will ever be there for me," "I’m worthless," "I’m hopeless." How long have you believed these thoughts? Ever since you were a puppy!
These deeply held beliefs may not be visible on the surface of our minds; we’re often not even aware of them. Yet we cling to such deep-seated beliefs, these basic identities, because they’ve become rooted in our very cells—in our cellular memory. And their imprint on our lives is unmistakable. But in order to avoid experiencing the painful quality of these beliefs and identities, we continually engage in various strategies of behavior—habitual coping patterns that buffer us from the anxious quiver of insecurity. These strategies are our attempt to establish some sense of safety, security, and familiarity. They might include seeking achievements, becoming a helper, trying to control our world or withdrawing toward safety. But do they ever give us a sense of genuine satisfaction? No. All too often they keep us stuck in dissatisfaction, not knowing where to turn. I call this place "the substitute life."
If we’re fortunate enough to aspire to become free of our substitute or artificial life, we may start questioning our most basic assumptions, including our very mode of living. Although such questioning can be painful, it’s something we all need to do periodically in order to move toward a genuine life. The one question that goes directly to the heart of the matter is: "What is my life really about?" The degree to which we can be honest in answering this question will determine our clarity in understanding the basic human dilemma—that we are cut off from awareness of our true nature.
[…] Do you try to maintain a sense of order and control, to avoid feeling the fear of chaos, of things falling apart? Do you try to gain acceptance and approval, to avoid the fear of rejection, of not fitting in? Do you try to excel and attain success, to avoid the fear of feeling unworthy? Or do you seek busyness in adventure or pleasure, to avoid the deep holes of longing and loneliness? All of these strategies have one thing in common: they keep us encased in our artificial or substitute life.
None of us are beyond this. We all follow some strategy to escape feeling the fears that silently run our life. Yet even when we know all about these fears, most of the time we don’t want to have anything to do with them. Perhaps this sounds pessimistic and discouraging, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, it’s only by realizing the extent to which we are asleep—the extent to which we are driven by the vanity of our endeavors, the smallness of our attachments, or the urgency of avoiding our fears—that we can wake up, out of our state of sleep, out of our substitute way of living.
About the Author: Excerpted from How to Live a Genuine Life by Ezra Bayda.
Latest Community Insights  |
Becoming Free of Our Substitute Life
What does a substitute life mean to you? Can you share a personal experience of a time you became aware of the smallness of your attachments? What has helped you avoid the temptation of an escape strategy when dealing with your fears? |
| Kristin Pedemonti wrote: Substitute life to me means not being completely authentic or being who we were or are meant to be. There is a saying which I firmly believe and which I think is reflected here, “we become the … |
| Rajesh wrote: The one thing that has helped me avoid the temptation of an escape strategy is knowing the futility of it. No matter what one does, one still has to come face to face with one’s fears sooner or later… |
| Jagdish P Dave wrote: This writing reminds me of Mahatma Gandhi’s words. ” Our thoughts become our feelings. Our feelings become our actions. Our actions become our habits. Our habits become our character. Our chara… |
| david doane wrote: A substitute is a stand in that serves in place of the real thing. Personally, it’s an act or role that I put on that is other than the real me, expresses something other than my truth.&n… |
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Editor’s note: Our ability to practice kindness with others is often related to our sense of humility. Humility derives from the Latin word "humus" or “from the earth.” In the spiritual sense, it means coming down to the earth, out of our thoughts and ego and recognizing the relationship of our small self to the vastness of the universe and to all other beings. Tim McGraw expressed the importance of these two virtues best in this powerful song, 
