Sangha of Auspicious Companions

How I Practiced Forgiveness When It Hurt the Most

After Maria Breaux’s brother David — known as “the Compassion Guy” in Davis, California, after 14 years of collecting definitions of compassion from strangers — was stabbed to death as he slept on a park bench, she discovered a message he had left her: “If I’m ever harmed or unable to speak for myself, forgive the perpetrator and help others forgive that person.” Sitting yards away from his killer in a courtroom, she found herself doing something that defied easy explanation: looking for the humanity in the young man who had taken her brother’s life, and finding it in shared immigrant roots, honors student transcripts, first-generation college attendance, and childhoods shaped by insecurity and trauma. What she discovered was not that forgiveness erases grief, but that it can coexist with it; that learning to “be at peace with the vulnerability inherent in human life,” as researcher Fred Luskin writes, is less a single act of will than a sustained, daily practice of listening, reflection, and honest reckoning with one’s own biases. As civil rights attorney Bryan Stevenson reminds us, “Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done” — and Maria’s story suggests that holding that truth, even in the rawness of loss, may be one of the most demanding and quietly radical things a person can do.

Be The Change

Think of someone who has frustrated or hurt you. Spend a few minutes today finding one piece of their story you don’t know, such as a hardship they’ve carried or a pressure they’re under. You don’t have to change how you feel; perhaps just see if elements of their humanity might take up a little more space in your heart than before.