Kindness Includes Everything
by George Saunders
[Listen to Audio!]
 What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded … sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.
Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth? Those who were kindest to you, I bet. It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.
Now, the million-dollar question: What’s our problem? Why aren’t we kinder?
Here’s what I think: Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions that are probably somehow Darwinian. These are: (1) we’re central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really); (2) we’re separate from the universe (there’s US and them, out there, all that other junk – dogs and swing-sets, and the State of Nebraska and low-hanging clouds and, you know, other people), and (3) we’re permanent (death is real, o.k., sure – for you, but not for me).
Now, we don’t really believe these things – intellectually we know better – but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others, even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish, more aware of what’s actually happening in the present moment, more open, and more loving.
So, the second million-dollar question: How might we DO this? How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional, etc., etc?
Well, yes, good question. Unfortunately, I only have three minutes left.
So let me just say this. There are ways. You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods and Low Kindness periods, and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter. Education is good; immersing ourselves in a work of art: good; prayer is good; meditation’s good; a frank talk with a dear friend; establishing ourselves in some kind of spiritual tradition — recognizing that there have been countless really smart people before us who have asked these same questions and left behind answers for us.
Because kindness, it turns out, is hard — it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include . . . well, everything.
Latest Community Insights  |
Kindness Includes Everything
How do you relate to the notion that kindness includes everything? Can you share a personal story where you found your notion of kindness expanding counterintuitively? What practice has been helped you root yourself in kindness? |
| Kristin Pedemonti wrote: Kindness is everything to means realizing we are not separate from each other, none of us can fully exist without each other. We are all interconnected. I believe it’s actually quite easy… |
| david doane wrote: While reading this piece, three quotes came to mind. Gandhi said his religion is kindness. What better religion could there be? Henry James said, “Three things in human life are imp… |
| Gilberto Dominguez wrote: One day I was walking down our drive way, it happened to be about a quarter of a mile long at that time, we lived in the country side on the edge of San Jose and the city of Milpitas. Use to be… |
| Kristin Pedemonti wrote: Gilberto! yes, yes! I love what you wrote! Here’s to becoming LOVE and sharing it heart to heart, human to human. Hugs from my heart to yours, Kristin … |
| Always wrote: I second that! … |
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